Trisha's Take: Oscars ceremony gets new producers… again

Like many of you, I was glued to my couch watching the 81st Academy Awards ceremony in February–mostly because I was liveblogging it for y’all.

And despite my kvetching here and there, I was pretty entertained by the whole show whose highlights included Hugh Jackman as the host, some pretty cool musical numbers, the departure of the “This is the Nth time that So-and-So has won this award” announcer that made it sound like a cut-away during a football game, and having five previous award winners present the top five awards.

It’s all because of first-time Oscars producers Bill Condon (Dreamgirls) and Laurence Mark (Julie & Julia) that we had such a good show, but alas! neither can produce the show this year due to their upcoming film commitments. So who will be producing the show in their place? Why, it’s none other than Bill (Coraline) Mechanic and Adam (Hairspray) Shankman!

Quoth the Variety article:

“I couldn’t be happier to have this talented team onboard,” said AMPAS prexy Tom Sherak. “I’ve known Bill for many years, so it’s like putting Oscar in the care of a dear friend. Bill has a tremendous love and respect of film and will draw from his vast experience as a producer, a studio executive and a film historian to help make this year’s Oscar telecast a memorable one. And Adam’s experience in producing, directing and especially choreography will be a huge asset to the production.”

Now, I know I don’t have any say how the show should go, but since I am going to be recapping the entire damn thing again, I think I should get to air my wishlist, right? So without much ado, here’s my list of Top 5 things I want to see during the 82nd Academy Awards show:

5. Neil Patrick Harris as the host of the show: I am not ashamed to say that I am an unabashed Neil Patrick Harris fangirl, and to learn that NPH bugged Broadway musical composers Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman to create a closing number just for him to sing all by himself for the Tony awards ceremony is just awesome. Oh, hey… Shankman knows those guys… maybe he can make that kind of awesome magic happen again?

4. Keep the camera still during the “In Memoriam” section: Having Queen Latifah sing “I’ll Be Seeing You” was cool because that’s a classic song and she’s a classy lady. However, having the cameras swooping all around the fucking stage like a seagull on acid was not. The TV viewing audience wants to see the clip show on the dead people, if only so they can confirm who won in their office dead pools.

3. More innovative interstitials: Though having Academy Award-winning cinematographer Janusz Kaminski in Judd Apatow’s skit about great comedy films was a brilliant moment in movie montages, I am still overly fond of the live performances by groups like Stomp showing how sound effects enhance a movie.

I even have an idea for an interstitial they can do. The best part about a show like this is that it’s live, and that’s also the kind of thing the TV audience wants–something to keep them from fast forwarding through the dull parts. Since nothing says excitement like possible hurting and maiming, why not do a tribute to stunts in film, and have an actual, live, mashup of the best stunts from the previous year’s movies?

2. Release the hounds: Although Hugh Jackman was a very charming and capable host, he and his writing staff played it very safe and didn’t poke too many holes in people. There’s a reason why Bob Hope is/was an 18-time Oscars host, though: He was Bob Fucking Hope, the quickest-witted, sharpest, most improv-intelligent comedian of the 20th century. Yes, this is supposed to be a tribute to peoples’ careers and yes, for those bits where you actually announce the awards and honor the dead people, you should keep it respectful.

But on the way to and from those awards? I wanna see studio executives get their comeuppances for making bad decisions that cripple good movies. Like who in their right mind ever thought that putting scrotum on an robot that transforms into a car a good idea? I wanna see a crossover event with the folks who run the Razzies. I wanna see blood.

We, the movie-going populace who are currently shilling out a national average of $7.18 per ticket (more if you use a service like Fandango or Tickets.com) to see a movie want to be entertained even further by the ones we saw that weren’t even worth the 18 cents. And once again, it’s our butts on our couches watching the damn ceremony that brings in the advertising dollars which fuels the TV network that airs the show, so they should be catering a little more to our needs.

And finally…

1.

…because I am a shameless, shameless fangirl. And wouldn’t an NPH trifecta be just awesome?